Chance

"Please, just give me a second chance. Ill do anything, just – please."

Why should I? My brain shouts rationalisation down my throat but it doesn't escape. They seal themselves shut with the look in your eyes and your lips shower glitter on my heart.

Please stop it. You know what you do to me. You leave me hanging by my frayed edges, which you pull apart when you walk out my door. My knees melt like Antarctic icecaps when global warming strikes; they suffocate with your presence. You're never there when I need you, sometimes there when I want you, always there when I want to shout at you.

SHOUT, scream, pound, b r e a k .

Why do you do this to me? You say you love me, wring me dry with the hint of mint on your breath then break a little piece off of me to save for later. I never get that piece back and, usually, I don't want it back. I feel as if it's safe inside your pocket, staying warm.

But then I find out you gave it to someone else.

You pretended it was your own, wrapped it up in your velvet voice and ember eyes, and handed it over to her. Did it have to be her? My best friend; no longer.

Why did you do it? Was I not good enough for you? Did I not meet your standards? I did the absolute best I could. I caught your trailing feet, your slurred words, those tears you were to embarrassed to admit. I painted over those maroon crescents under your eyes and cleaned your soiled lips with my own. I tried my best to be yours, you called me that once and I never forgot. I shouldn't have hung on your every word. I trusted you too much and this is where it's lead us.

You acted so innocent. It made me feel sick. You didn't even have the guts to tell me yourself. She told me; I guess she loved me more than you did. Did you have to cost me my friendship? It was the best thing I had in my life, besides you. I hope you're happy with yourself. I've lost so much. You even tried to defend yourself when I finally confronted you about it. You tried to entrap me between your eyelashes, stroke me into your hair and caress me onto your skin.

At first, you tried miserably to convince me it never happened. I can't even believe you had the audacity to try. I had heard it from many hushed voices, obvious whispers, unsubtle glances, and it wasn't long before tears started to appear. When you knew I knew, you said that it was a terrible mistake, that you were drunk and you didn't know what you were doing, that you would never hurt me intentionally, that you loved me.

Well you shouldn't have even have been at that party, you should've been with me, where I thought said you were going to be. I had to calm down from all the anger you pushed on me, the pressure of it was so much that it almost crushed me, including that little piece of you I had tucked away inside.

ANGER, crush…

…relax, b r e a t h e .

So, after all this, why should I give you a second chance? Just so I can see the look of wonder and amazement in your eyes when you see me? So I can capture the moments when you stare at me when you think I'm not looking? So I can keep on feeling your fingers twisting themselves into my hair, feel them absentmindedly-tracing patterns onto the bare skin of my shoulder when I'm studying?

"Please, let me come back. Chances are meant to be given to those who are desperate. I'm desperate, Sarah, so desperate. Please…"

I look hard at your face and I see so many emotions etched into the tears pooling in your eyes. They do me in and I think you know that. I turn on my heel and walk towards the park gate. It's just starting to get dark and it crosses the back of my mind that the sunset is beautiful.

I hear your footsteps behind me and, even though I know I'll almost definitely regret this later,

I want you to follow me.