Wait

I'm at the edge. You're here with me and I'm trying to get as close to you as I can. I try to fist your shirt underneath my palm and as I lean my head into your chest I swear I can actually feel you. You're beautiful. Do you know that? I shake my head, shake out the tears. I reach up and place my lips at your neck, kiss, place them at your ear, whisper. I've missed you. I know. Don't be sad. Why not? Silence. It stings like last winter. When the frost crept over your skin, leaving me frozen. I can almost feel the vibration beside my chest when you speak.

I have to go now. You didn't answer my question. I know. Don't be sad. Can you stay with me a while? You're so beautiful.

The words plaster over my heart until it can no longer beat. This was never part of the plan, our plan. You were meant to piece me back together, piece by lethargic piece. You had only just started when I heard your voice calling until it disappeared into the snowflakes entangled in my hair. I was tangled up in you for so long, it caused physical pain to rake itself through my shell of a body to extract myself from your perpetual arms.

That last embrace tore a little piece of my heart away and implanted it into your eyes. They shone that night, brighter than ever before. It was to be expected, when my tears dripped onto your cheeks, that you would try to press your thumb across my cheekbone and make it all right. But even you couldn't make it all right when you were slipping away, seeping through every pore in my body, passing through every nerve, every vein.

My veins. It was as if they pounded the blood towards the surface of my skin just so it could see you one last time. It centred on my cheeks when you touched there, and I was still embarrassed, in vain.

Don't be embarrassed. That's one of the things I love about you. I don't think I have time to say all the things I love about you. Don't say them. Don't ruin this. No, I won't.

I have to go now. Do you have any idea how much pain I'm in? Yes, love, of course. You'd know I'd take it for myself if I could. I know you would, and that's why I think you're crazy. I'm not worth it. I'm not worthy of you. Don't ever say that. If anything, I'm not worthy of you. You have no idea how much I want to stay here, with you, but it's pulling me. I have to go. You're so beautiful, do you know that?

I barely manage a nod. Saltwater is trailing down my face, tracing the patterns you left, marking my skin like a temporary scar. Before you leave, though, there's something I want to ask.

Will you wait for me? Love, why would you even ask that?

A silent kiss brushes against my forehead, my eyelids, my lips. I feel it linger for a second longer before I can no longer feel you.

Wait, you didn't answer my question. Wait.